I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize