in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
