But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found a bag of teeth...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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