Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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