I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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