Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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