The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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