my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
