Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
