I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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