I wanna passion pit in your ass
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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