you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
