Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
