Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
