he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
