The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
