okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
wow bdsm is so cute
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
