so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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