Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
