He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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