my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
