I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
