his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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