next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
