would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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