The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
