Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Randomize
