just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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