Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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