NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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