Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
