Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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