I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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