she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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