haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
