What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
