Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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