My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
