She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
