people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
