Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
