i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
