Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
