what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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