The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
