i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
