Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
