I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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