I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
