If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
