my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
