Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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