I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
