how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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