I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
