we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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