im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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