exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
