Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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