i was born a porn star she said
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
