how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
