Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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