I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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