I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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