Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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