I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
