She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize