he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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