Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
