Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
