watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
