we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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