haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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