the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
